that's not it.

fish- are things you desire momentarily/what's comfortable.

fish in my life:

-success and failure

-afraid to show my parents how much I really love them

-some other things.

I pray I let go of all that I'm sacred of even if that means risk. 

not to shhhabbbby

I drove all the way to Cupertino for my History class just to find out it was cancelled so I drove back home and I went to the gym. 

the gym consisted of:

Running.

Abs.

Arms.

Talking to Jake and Daniel

OH GYM HOW I LOVE YOU! I really working on getting toned arms and and nice calves.

OH MY GOSH! CAN I JUST SAY...there's this trainer at the gym and he has the most BEAUTIFUL calves I have ever seen.  I'm so jealous and catch myself countlessly staring at them.  I've been meaning to ask him what he does but I'm to scared because whenever I see him he always looks like he's glaring.  I think that's just his natural facial expression..and he probably doesn't intend it to come off that way to others..but it's still a bit intimidating.  ANYWHO, I really want calves like his..except girlier. 

OH YEAH, and there was this blonde chick at the gym who had the nicest ripped arms ever..so I decided I wanted to have ripped arms too. I just thought I should share.  lets see how I do carrying this plan out.  that's all for today  I just am going to spend some alone time with my creator now and get some homework finished.  have a great night :)

reluctance..DAMN

reluctant on:

-doing my UC personal statement/Biola Essay

-Writing my papers for my deaf events plus orientation event for ASL

-going to the gym 6 days a week

I'm just sitting waiting for things to happen instead of making them happen:

wow and the semester/quarter is coming to an end. I'm so great at school..NOT

late night chats lead to good night sleeps.

I won't leave use real names in this. So lets just say Eggie is this persons name.  

so this is EGGIE: aka PINKY

 

I got home on Monday afternoon from Socal after spending an amazing weekend with some brothers and sisters in Christ.  On Monday after getting back I attended my World History class which I had a test in.  I think I may have done well although I feel as though I could have spent more time in preparing for it.  I got home around 9:30 and spent time with the Creator which was amazing and then did some dishes.  I looked down at my phone and realized I had some missed calls.  Missed calls from who?? Yes, Eggie.  Hesitant but willingly I called him back.  I knew I should talk to him anyway.  We discussed a few CAS U AL things at first then the question of, "How are you?" came up.  

Side note: I'm not a big fan of when guys ask that question implying it too themselves. basically asking, "How are you in relations to getting over me?", or "How are you in terms of your feeling towards me?" ALRIGHT. But boys will be boys.

This is probably the first time I let out my full feelings I was motioning through at that time.  I basically told him how it was 'hard for me to see him on Sunday and church and hang out with him, because I still like him.'  The hardest part of liking him was because of this factor for me I feel as though I am not as great of friends as we used to be.  Sunday I was with my two besties and I missed being like them..just looking at Eggie as a bro in Christ and close friend.  I was frustrated with the situation.  I broke down crying which I felt bad about because Eggies always told me he never wanted me to cry over it.  But, I did I'm surprised that side of my came out in front of him.  Eggies is a good listener, as I vented and a great responder too very truthful and honest.  So all that happened and I got it out of my system.  The next day I was pretty emotional too but felt better by the end of the day.  (Freakin girls and their emotions).

I think one of the hardest things for me is having to wait patiently as we rebuild our relationship.  Eggies is a good guy but I know though there's obvious struggle with this whole thing now future wise in the bigger light this stuff doesn't even matter.  Besides the learning aspect of it.  I pray that this healing process will continue and I rejoice in God continually through it for all he has done for me.  

Eggies is such an amazing guy but there's something thing I just don't quite understand..though two people can have very similar passions and drives doesn't mean they are a match made in heaven.  There's hella people out there..I won't settle for less. Through this journey I will meet so many new people and maybe even my husband.  If Eggies and my paths cross later on in life well that's up in the air, but that expectation is not one that thoughts should be based off.  Nope, it's looking ahead to the prize with our personal savior Jesus Christ.  Through Him who gives me strength I am persevering ahead and don't want to fixate on the past.  Good-bye Eggies for now. 

end point:

You've been stubbornly hanging onto the wheel. God's been asking you over and over, "Isn't it time you let Me drive?" You'll get so much farther so much faster if you do. You'll crash if you don't. Isn't it time you pull over and finally let the Lord have the wheel?

-gospel.com