reluctance..DAMN

reluctant on:

-doing my UC personal statement/Biola Essay

-Writing my papers for my deaf events plus orientation event for ASL

-going to the gym 6 days a week

I'm just sitting waiting for things to happen instead of making them happen:

wow and the semester/quarter is coming to an end. I'm so great at school..NOT

late night chats lead to good night sleeps.

I won't leave use real names in this. So lets just say Eggie is this persons name.  

so this is EGGIE: aka PINKY

 

I got home on Monday afternoon from Socal after spending an amazing weekend with some brothers and sisters in Christ.  On Monday after getting back I attended my World History class which I had a test in.  I think I may have done well although I feel as though I could have spent more time in preparing for it.  I got home around 9:30 and spent time with the Creator which was amazing and then did some dishes.  I looked down at my phone and realized I had some missed calls.  Missed calls from who?? Yes, Eggie.  Hesitant but willingly I called him back.  I knew I should talk to him anyway.  We discussed a few CAS U AL things at first then the question of, "How are you?" came up.  

Side note: I'm not a big fan of when guys ask that question implying it too themselves. basically asking, "How are you in relations to getting over me?", or "How are you in terms of your feeling towards me?" ALRIGHT. But boys will be boys.

This is probably the first time I let out my full feelings I was motioning through at that time.  I basically told him how it was 'hard for me to see him on Sunday and church and hang out with him, because I still like him.'  The hardest part of liking him was because of this factor for me I feel as though I am not as great of friends as we used to be.  Sunday I was with my two besties and I missed being like them..just looking at Eggie as a bro in Christ and close friend.  I was frustrated with the situation.  I broke down crying which I felt bad about because Eggies always told me he never wanted me to cry over it.  But, I did I'm surprised that side of my came out in front of him.  Eggies is a good listener, as I vented and a great responder too very truthful and honest.  So all that happened and I got it out of my system.  The next day I was pretty emotional too but felt better by the end of the day.  (Freakin girls and their emotions).

I think one of the hardest things for me is having to wait patiently as we rebuild our relationship.  Eggies is a good guy but I know though there's obvious struggle with this whole thing now future wise in the bigger light this stuff doesn't even matter.  Besides the learning aspect of it.  I pray that this healing process will continue and I rejoice in God continually through it for all he has done for me.  

Eggies is such an amazing guy but there's something thing I just don't quite understand..though two people can have very similar passions and drives doesn't mean they are a match made in heaven.  There's hella people out there..I won't settle for less. Through this journey I will meet so many new people and maybe even my husband.  If Eggies and my paths cross later on in life well that's up in the air, but that expectation is not one that thoughts should be based off.  Nope, it's looking ahead to the prize with our personal savior Jesus Christ.  Through Him who gives me strength I am persevering ahead and don't want to fixate on the past.  Good-bye Eggies for now. 

end point:

You've been stubbornly hanging onto the wheel. God's been asking you over and over, "Isn't it time you let Me drive?" You'll get so much farther so much faster if you do. You'll crash if you don't. Isn't it time you pull over and finally let the Lord have the wheel?

-gospel.com 

my day in a Jiffy

so I'm trying this new thing called patience...so when I'm driving by myself if I am behind a slow car my instinct reaction would be to drive around the person, but instead I am now staying behind the person(s). so far it sucks haha but hopefully I'll get there.

Well, today was another beautiful sunny day, with the sunshine waking me up as it rays over my skin get brighter and brighter as they stretch up to my eyelids seeping through my eyelids to the cornea as its brightness blinds me when I finally open my eyes.

Too bad it was my alarm that woke me up as always. Today was a good day. I woke up at 10:30am and just laid in my cozy sheets for probably 20 minutes or so pondering and thinking about an array of thoughts and feelings of life and where I am right now. I finally get up and decide I should start getting ready for my 11:45 class (Psychology). Sitting, in class today we are talking about conformity and why we all at some point eventually conform to our peers around us. We came to the conclusion of not wanting to be ridiculed or rejected as well as often times we look to our peers or people around us for answers if we are in a state or unsureness. OK honestly..today in pscyh I wasn't really paying too much attention because I was tired and so that's all that I got out of class.

After I got called into work...I told them I could only stay for 3 hours. SO there I am at work making some drinks, laughing super loud, and just having a blast..but that three hours when by super fast..so I'm not going to lie leaving was a bit sad today because it's almost like I wanted to stay longer..ewe what? cute huh?

I left and went to Ohlone to help out with a workshop they put on for incoming people who may attend community college in the summer or fall or 09. Um so they asked me to be a leader for this so I said sure, but didn't even know what I was supposed to do. SO I get there 20 minutes early and they handed us these slide packets that we're supposed to go over with our group. SO that was that I got my group of highschoolers and started talking with them about PLAN A,B and C and transferring and goals etc. My group consisted of 5 people and they weren't very talkative but as the time progressed the opened up. THey were all super nice people and it shocked me that every single one knew what they wanted to do with life. THey knew what they wanted to major in!!!! I was thinking too myself, "WHAT?!?!? I just figured out my major!!" But I thought that was really awesome to see that these kids were thinking ahead for their future. The program ended and they got my number so if they had questions they could call. it was tyte.

After I hit up Bay Street and started on my 10 page paper that's due thursday. So far, I have my introductory paragraph and my outline. The outline which is what I worked on all tonight took me 3 hours to do and was exhausting but now that that's done with it seems like such a relief because now I know for sure about where and when I'm using what resources and material I've been collecting for the past couple months. I'm praying to God, I'm able to finish this paper by Tuesday night so I can edit on WEdnesday. After Bay street I crept home 12amishnerishner and made me a fruit salad.

Now here I find myself spoon filling some jiffy peanut butter into my mouth and blogging about life rather than finishing my sociology homework. yay for that...but really I need to finish it before 2 am at least so I think this is me simply saying good-bye, "GOODBYE."

honeycomb

you know what I think is funny? how when people see you reading your bible they get all freaked out..as thought they don't know how to respond. for example on my break it was absolutely beautiful outside so I decided to stroll on outside for a little scripture reading and as I was reading two guys walked by and they were talking loud so I glimpsed up at them. They looked down only to see golden pages and quickly looked away and lowered their voices. I think it may be because they felt a sense of awkwardness..for some apparent reason? who knows. but that was and has been my observation for several years with public scripture reading.

Anywho, as I was reading I came across the verse found in Proverbs 16: 24 and I stopped and read it over and over again. The words I guess just lifted me up because they are so beautiful.

'Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.'

It stopped me in my readings I think also because lately at work I feel as though there's been a lot of tension. Everywhere I go I hear a complaint about somebody else or something that's not going right in the store it's a bit frustrating at times and I've been trying my best to keep away from I guess you could say "drama" that arouses throughout our store. As I read this verse continuously, I felt convicted and gush of feelings I had. So I was thinking and praying for a brief moment I decided to not stay away from this situation but instead encourage people at work and let them know they are appreciated. this verse is sick. cool GOd thanks for that.

Now for a quick little story. Earlier, after my psychology class I went home and was getting ready for work. As I was just chugging along around my house I tripped over our dog by accident. (honestly I don't even know where she came from. she popped up out of no where. WHATEVA) in doing so I dramatically fell diving into our kitchen chairs and abruptly hear a, 'RIPPP'. ok really? I ripped a hole in my pants and It was 1:40 and I had to be at work around 2 (it takes 15 minutes). ALRIGHT here's to yet another clumsy occurrence in my life. Sometimes, I think God looks at situations like these and just laughs. it was pretty funny though I guess if you like that sort of thing. Anyway, so after that traumatic experience I came to the conclusion that all I had time to do was to staple my pants together. So, I go over to my good ol' stapler friend and stapled my pants (which are btw the only work pants I own)back together...and that is that. Except one of the staplers became loose and left a scratch in the side of my thighs. i'm over it because now I have a legit scratch..so that's cool like apple sauce. peace out homies.

Berkeley

So, today was oober fun. First off, I woke up at 9:30am (which on a Saturday is early) and went to 'Site For Sore Eyes' to get my eye check-up and get a new glasses prescription. My mom came with me, so we got some quality time together. After my eye appointment, the doctor prescribed me to a new set of glasses and told me that I am yet still far sited. surprise surprise. I got to choose out new frames which we got for super cheap thanks too working at starbucks and getting benefits such as eye insurance..(um eye insurance?) So, after that My mom and I both said farewell and left for home. When I got home, being tired and all I splashed some water against my face and started to get ready for the day. Daily routine, wash my face, brush the teeth, put some deodorant on etc.

At around 12 Aiesha and I had planned to go to Berkeley but we didn't end up going for some time. She arrived at my house around 12:20 and I was just taking my dear sweet time still. I was in a dress with boots a scarf and a jacket but decided to change due to the cold brisk air that decided to arrive on this lovely saturday. I then changed and we were headed out the door. As we headed out I realized I didn't know where my keys were so 10 minutes later still looking for the keys I checked in the one place that would make the most sense to check..my purse...and there the keys were just chillin' no big deal. so finally we were off from my house. Being big coffee fans Aiesha and I started to detour off to the starbucks where I'm  currently employed at which is off of Automall and Boscell. We took a dare and decided to launch through the drive-thru and order(in the past having bad drive-thru experiences) and we suceeded to do so and got our drinks. We both were then told mysteriously that Mikee was working at In-n-out right across the street. So, we didn't want to cease the spontaneous detour we had already started so we drove on across to in-n-out where we found mikee in his drive thru taking orders. We said hello and talked a bit and said our good-byes. Finally Aiesha and I were off to the BART to Berkeley (i think around 1:40pmishner uhh).

Both being wired off coffee and our deluxe meal at in-n-out we were both pretty excited for our next adventure. We boarded on the train and had a mellow ride to hippie town. We then got off and headed straight to Telegraph Street, where in my head I was frantically asking myself if I wanted to get a piercing of some sort. (So, really side note I really want my lip pierced..or my nose pierced again but with a ring this time, and another cartilage..the thing is for work at good ol' starbucks we aren't allowed piercing on the face so the cuts out two. and I was reluctant for some reason on getting an ear piercing so I thought it best just to not. LAME.) After deciding not to, we went to the NORTHFACE OUTLET..ok I've been waiting to go to this store. and yes it's pretty cool..but honestly dood the jackets are still like 200 dollars..and I just don't have that kind of money to spend so sadly we both exited. Then, Urban Outfitters both of our main and next destiny, and ahh yes it is the typical where the majority of our day was spent(sadly) was fun, but yes it was also quite exhausting. We must of tried millions of things on there but in the end we both purchased maybe two things..(SALES RACK YES.)

Spending coutless hours in the store made us quite hungry and we both were really feeling some ethnic food so as we were walking (I swear there was a halo over the sign) we saw 'CURRY AND NAAN'! on snap nothing like some ethnic Indian cuisine. We sat down and stuffed our mouths with some delcious veggie curry, naan, and rice. After, we headed on over to BERKELEY'S Campus since the resturaunts bathroom was unavailable. When we entered onto the campus I started thinking, and then as I was going pee I started thinking harder, washing my hands even harder and then chilling outside the building even harder, gosh what an amazing community to live in(meaning like college community). After that we left Berkely after encountering two of Aiesha's friends we took BART home where we safely arrived in two solid pieces in FREMONT. We both said our good-byes to each other and I was left in my lonely house.

Today was super fun, spending it with a friend and going to a place with a different atmosphere, college setting, and just seeing all this different cultured faces around me was wonderful. When I got home though, I realized something from just that moment of walking onto the Berkeley campus that Maybe I will strive to attend a UC in the fall of 2010. I'll apply to probably UC Riverside since it has my major (global studies), as well has Oregon state, and whatever other options pop up in the next couple months.

Thanks God for keeping Aiesha and I safe today, thanks for the food and the opportunities like this we get to have on a daily basis, thank you for opening up my mind more today, and for aiesha's and my friendship.

Day well spent.

wow

wow, honestly God has done so much since my lsat post.  My last post on feebleness and weakness.  So, this semester I'm taking sociology, psychology 102 and cultural anthropology. Yes, I know all the LOGY's it's pretty cool.  I have consistently prayed every single day for perseverance, confidence, motivation, courage, and willing-fulness to pursue all these classes with effort.  When I started feeling bad about myself I would start praying...and praying...and praying as well as thanking..thanking some more..and thanking again, and then the semester started whizzing by.  Now, almost just a month away until the end of the semester we're getting grade updates.  I am getting A's is two classes and a B in the other.   It's absolutely amazing how God has mended my negative thoughts into positive, and has encouraged me throughout this semester. honestly, this is just another reminder and confirmation that God is the only one that you can rely on and trust fully to comfort you in dire and discouraging situations as well as can move things that you may think are unfathomable. Now, to get through one more year of community college and then off to a state or university. Thanks God you rock my socks.

ways to NOT to get bored when you're on the treadmill.

FOR THE PAST COUPLE OF MONTH, I HAVE BEEN EXTENSIVELY WORKING OUT. WHEN I STARTED ON THE TREADMILL, I BEGAN RUNNING 4 MILES MAX, BECAUSE 4 MILES IS SUPER LONG TOO ME. AS TIME WENT ON SOME TIMES I WOULD HAVE THE MOTIVATION TO RUN JUST ONE MORE MILE. THROUGH THE PAST COUPLE WEEKS I'VE BEEN CONSISTENTLY RUNNING AROUND 6-7 MILES. NOW, I'M NOT WRITING THIS TO BOAST ABOUT THE MILES I CAN RUN, BUT INSTEAD TO ENCOURAGE ANYBODY WHO THINKS THAT THEY CAN'T BUILD UP ENDURANCE AND MILAGE THAT INFACT IT IS ATTAINABLE AND ACHIEVABLE. HERE ARE SOME TIPS TO FOCUS ON:

1) BE AWARE OF APPROXIMATELY HOW MANY MILES YOU WANT TO RUN. BE SURE TO SET A GOAL. (DON'T IF YOU'RE JUST GETTING BACK TO THE GYM SAY GO FOR 9 MILES; CHOOSE A DUABLE DISTANCE..TRUST ME IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL A LOT BETTER.)

2) ALWAYS ALWAYS (CAN'T EMPHASIZE THE IMPORTANCE OF THIS ENOUGH) STRETCH. STRETCH OUT ALL LIGAMENTS OF YOUR BODY, ARMS, THIGHS, CALVES, STOMACH muscles, ANKLES, AND ANYTHING ELSE YOU CAN THINK OF. THIS IS OF UTTERMOST A KEY COMPONENT TO SURVIVING MORE THAN AN HOUR ON THE TREADMILL.

3) AFTER STRETCHING, PROCEED (OBVIOUSLY) ON THE TREADMILL. NOW, I FOUND THAT IS YOU START OFF WALKING, YOU ARE BOUND TO EITHER 1 KEEP WALKING AND TAKE A LONG TIME TO GET MOTIVATED TO START RUNNING, OR 2 YOU ARE GOING START OFF WALKING, GO INTO A RUN, AND GET TIRED QUICKLY AND GIVE UP ON RUNNING AFETR 1OMINS AND GO BACK DOWN TO A STEADY COMFORTABLE WALKING PACE WHICH YOU WILL CONTINUE YOU TO DO THROUGH OUT YOUR WORK OUT AND IT WON'T FEEL TO GOOD. IT IS ALSO BAD FOR YOUR HEART, BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT KEEPING YOUR HEART-RATE AT A CONSISTENT PACE. SO THEREFORE, INSTEAD OF DOING THIS AND WASTING YOUR TIME AT THE GYM YOU SO DREAD TO BEGIN WITH, GET UP ON THE TREADMILL, WALK 5 PACES, THEN GO INTO A JOG FOR APPROXIMATELY, AND THEN GO INTO A STRONG CONSISTENT RUN. I WOULD SAY (6.5 STARTING OFF FOR YOUR FIRST COUPLE TIMES AT THE GYM AND THEN BUMP IT UP TO 6.8-7.0 AS YOU CONTINUE YOUR PERSISTENT PHYSICAL ACTIVENESS.)

4) WHEN STARTING OUT GOING TO THE GYM AND RUNNING OF THE TREADMILL, TIME YOURSELF AND FIGURE OUT APPROXIMATELY HOW LONG IT TAKES YOU TO RUN EACH MILE. (THE TREADMILL NUMBERS SHOULD TELL YOU A AVERAGE MILES TIME).

5) AFTER YOU HAVE MADE RUNNING A MAIN COMPONENT IN YOUR LIFE, I WOULD SUGGEST YOU TAKE YOUR TOWEL YOU HAVE AND PLACE IT OVER THE CLOCK, MILE TIME, MILAGE, CALORIES ETC. SO YOU DON'T GET IMPATIENT WAITING FOR YOUR RUN TO BE OVER. BY PLACING THE TOWEL OVER THE TREADMILL, YOU ARE NOW AT THE POINT WHERE YOU CAN ESTIMATE APPROXIMATELY HOW LONG YOU HAVE BEEN RUNNING FOR AS WELL AS HOW FAR.

6) THIS IS WHERE I'M AT NOW. STEP 5. I HAVE JUST BEEN CONSISTENTLY RUNNING 7-8 MILES 3-5 TIMES A WEEK. SO KEEP IT UP AND YOU ARE GUARANTEED TO BE IN SUCH GREAT SHAPE.